Bless Your Heart- A User’s Guide
Often-used phrase in the American South is misunderstood
The fly on the wall in a busy Southern grocery store, or restaurant, or anywhere that people gather will hear the phrase “Bless your heart” used quite frequently. This gem is often misused and misunderstood, but I am here to set the record straight.
“Bless your heart”, along with its offspring “bless his/her heart”, “bless it”, and simply “bless”, is the all-purpose reaction to almost any situation in Southern life. It can be sarcastic, tongue-in-cheek, or truly heartfelt; despite its all-purpose nature, there are those who think that it is always used in a patronizing manner, which could not be farther from the truth. Let’s break it down.
Kind and Sincere Usage
- As your trudge through the grocery store, pushing an unweildy, loaded cart, you accidentally sideswipe a display of canned goods and several cans roll to the floor. Witnessing your frustration and weariness as you start to bend over and clean up the mess, another shopper jumps in to help and exclaims “Bless your heart!” You gratefully accept the help and the sentiment.
- On a cold Friday night, as you and a friend watch the final seconds tick by in a close high school football game, the kicker misses a field goal to lose. Dejectedly, he leaves the field, helmet in hand, to stand by himself and watch the other team celebrate. “Bless his heart” you say to your companion, who nods in agreement.
- You have had a rough day and are late to meet your best friend for cocktails to decompress. As you run through the pouring rain to meet her in front of the restaurant, she grabs you in a hug and says, “Bless your heart!” then takes you inside and buys the first round.
Sarcastic and Patronizing Usage
- You and a friend are discussing a mutual acquaintance who has bad luck in love, or unfortunate (to your way of thinking) taste in clothing, or any of a number of situations that might warrant (again, to your way of thinking) pity. “Bless her heart” you say to one another, shaking your heads in mock sympathy.
- A rich, entitled friend has a fender-bender and his luxury car has to be in the shop for several days. “Bless your heart,” you say to yourself as you listen to his woeful tale of the rental car he is being forced to drive and the inconveniences he’s suffered. (Internal eye roll included)
- Overheard at any talent competition murmured several times, especially when the performer’s “talent” is obvious only to his mom: “Bless his heart…”
Tongue-in-Cheek Usage
- In the salon late one afternoon, your hairdresser exclaims, “Oh my goodness, I have SO MANY clients tomorrow… I will be worn out!” “Bless your heart,” you reply, acknowledging the hard work, but also the nice living he’s making with so many paying customers.
- After a delicious Thanksgiving dinner of epic proportions, you lie back on the couch in your childhood home, loosen your belt, and groan about how your stomach is about to explode. Your mom walks into the room with a smile. “Well, bless your heart,” she says, as she hands you a large bottle of Tums.
The phrase is nuanced, and my fragile attempts to describe its iterations are feeble, at best. “Bless your heart” is a useful, all-purpose phrase that is best experienced in context. Most Southerners will say it directly to you only if they are gently ribbing you or truly mean to express sympathy. The sarcastic and patronizing tone is usually reserved for gossip sessions, or by people who are just that mean...bless their hearts.
